Am I doing it right?!
"Am I doing it right?!"
Today I asked myself this question again for the 100th time...and for the 75th time I burst out laughing (yes, at least 25 of those times I just cried and now I am learning to just laugh at myself).
Am I doing what right?!? My life? This post? To be honest I feel like some days I'm in the flow of life and other days I'm floundering in the water.
The moment I think I've got something the next moment I am questioning everything.
It's a constant ebb and flow of certainty and uncertainty.
It's a dance one minute I am in a inner tube in the stream of life wearing sunglasses and the next day I am like "WTF?!"
If you feel like this or have ever felt like this, I am here to tell you....IT's OK!
LET GO AND LET IT FLOW!
You don't have to get it all today, you don't have to become the master of your life today just be in the practice of it.
Make a choice and own your choice.
There is nothing wrong, nothing to fix and yet so much to be grateful for and enjoy.
Stop asking yourself what's wrong.
Even if things seem like they could be better or you think you want to be somewhere else. Pause, look around and just look.
When I reflect my past experiences, what seemed to be the worst or most challenging moments in my life where I seemed to be "doing it wrong or everything was wrong" when I really look they taught me how to get up, have compassion, love more and be strong.
Think about it in your own life.
What have you learned from your heartbreak, heartache and sorrow?!
What have you learned when someone else has done you "wrong"? or treated you poorly?
What have you learned from your boredom or busyness?
Have you ever believed something to be right? Like I mean believed it so much so that there was no other way! you were so sure of it and then all of a sudden something happens "out of the blue" and just like that your world is rearranged?!
I used to think I was in control and I used to think I was doing it all wrong. Even when I first started this blog post.
Then...today it hit me...again...there is no getting it wrong, there's only learning.
So I'll spend my days dancing in and out of what I believe is right and what someone else believes is right.
For the past 2 weeks I didn't post, then a few people mentioned how they missed my post. After I guilted myself about not being on time and getting this whole posting thing wrong, I read my last post that said "TAKE A BREAK!"
because a break has a time limit right?!...I laugh again...at what point am I going to start being ok listening to myself and start taking my own advice?!
here I am, once again, feeling like I'm doing it wrong...and...
NOTHING IS WRONG, EVERYTHING IS EXACTLY HOW IT SHOULD BE AND I AM RIGHT ON TIME.
Straight forward and foremost this blogs intention is from love, to be brave enough to share my words with you. I'm not doing this to be right or to be on time. I am doing this to connect whoever is reading this to their own feelings, to let you know you aren't alone.
As I type these words, I question who will understand them, trust them or care to read them.
My Dad said to me a few weeks ago "I'm having a hard time understanding your blog posts"
I replied with "Why?"
He said "I dunno, I just am."
I took it to heart, thought I had to redo it and make it "right" but what is right?
Just because someone doesn't understand doesn't mean you have to make them.
We each have a perspective, a lens we see and hear through, a way to communicate life.
If you are like my dad just trust that something has brought you here to read these words. Let them wash over you. I understand. It can all be confusing, this whole life thing and know you don't need to figure it out today, just trust it. Who you are, where you are, what your doing.
You are exactly where you are supposed to be.
Some days I feel like it's all flowing in the right direction and other days I'm curious about where it's flowing to.
Sure, I have goals, I have visions and today I had anxiety and created a story that none of it would come true.
Even being in these feelings of flowing and curiosity took me some time to get to.
So chill out and take a moment to look around, breathe in because after all maybe you really are a piece of stardust.